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Let’s start with a preface about my mother.

Confirmed facts: she emotionally abused and gaslit me my entire life. She turned violent several times.

Speculated with solid evidence: She is a narcissist. Since she can’t admit she was anything other than a saint-like parent to a hideous troll child, there is no way to get a diagnosis.

She likes to make fun of me. She has no interest in me. She can be actively cruel to me. She will absolutely not register what she did to me as a child. She talks over me when I talk. And god does she love to talk about disturbing stuff.

Seriously, this is not fun reading. This exists because I keep remembering more and more of her nonsense, and I want to write it all down, but I don’t want to flood r/raisedbynarcissists with my thinks. That said, that community has taught me how reassuring it is to read something and think, “Oh thank god. It’s not just me that happened to.” I will not hold back, I will not sugarcoat or use veiled text like I do on Reddit. This is for me, and it will be whatever happened.

So, public entries, but with warnings on all of them, but with the understanding that her default state is to emotionally abuse and gaslight me. Therefore, that will not get a warning. If something truly is non-triggering in my opinion, it will be warned as “NONE“.

Tread carefully, this is mostly for me, and there are funner things to read.

Also, I want to arrange the things in the order they happened for my own personal sense of order, but I don’t want to spend hours counting on my fingers to get the year as I generally remember my age before the year, so the year will be 1900 + my age at the time, e.g. if I was 12 when it happened, it will be posted in 1912.

Consider yourself warned before reading any further.